Welcome to life.

-I feel alive, yet in a haze of sorts. The sort of haze you find yourself in when analyzing 1984 or Brave New World, or The Quiet American, attempting to squeeze another 4 pages at the end of your 2. The haze where nothing is real, yet you wonder if this is what life is like, and if you’re to analyze it as you would those marvelous pieces of literature. I’m leaving all I’ve really known in 39 days. Time to know more.

 

I’ll introduce myself to roommates, either rejoice or mourn at the amount of units I’ll be forced to pass this fall, and begin some overwhelming spirit for my dorm of residency Friday. I know this is real, partly because I’m reminded of my future departure 3 times daily, and that I’m a being who understands the concept of a calendar.

 

I know who I want to be. I want to avoid cliché suburban life. No routine, please. Adventure, dependent on God, yes, please. I want to consider the Peace Corps or something similar. I want to serve others, including being a therapist. I’d love to help people. With a job like that, how could I complain?

 

Lately I’ve been lying on my bed with books and a vitamin water (today’s flavor being tropical citrus). This months books: The Slaughterhouse Five, Through Painted Deserts, Nine Stories, Franny and Zoey. I’ve started all but the last. They say “what comes into a mind goes out in a life”. It’s quite true with books for me. I tend to think how I think it thinks.

 

 

Love

-I love loving. This past month I’ve not just loved my friends (how I always have), but I’ve become IN love with them. The satisfaction brings peace. Some say one shouldn’t date until they’re satisfied with being single. I agree, and can now say I am. It’s one thing to know you’re friends will always be there and you will for them, but it’s quite different post decision of your strong desire to always be there for them. Desiring to be the one they come to, because you know you won’t ever let go. I love this reality. And it’s lovely to feel full just in the presence of friends.

 

Back to being single. I’m 17, no need for me dating. End of single topic.

I love you. Help me. End.

I'm looking for a good definition of the word.

I've been away from Xanga for quite some time. Actually, I haven't really been "into" (commenting daily, etc.) it since January. I blame this on my lack of reading. When I read I write. When I don't it stops. Let's read! End.

mix of thoughts:
1. I wasn't able to talk to the kid today. Next Sunday then to unveil the truth.

2. I leave in two months. Woo!

3. I need to buy dorm stuff. Yeah!

4. I need to pay for that dorm stuff. Boo.

5. And books. Eh.

6. And a few (few? more like..) thousand for tuition. Debt I enter. Um. Ha, actually I'm not stressing. My college debt shouldn't be too much ($50,000). At least it's not $923452, like I'm sure some have. Well, at least those people earned a doctorate. They rock.

7. I adore these three hour workouts three times a week.

8. Our little group of friends has had some bad choices in it. We need to come together again.

9. Camp starts Sunday. Most of my friends in Awana will be there (it's Awana camp).

10. Last year of Awana camp. :/

11. I guess this is part of growing up? I'm less excited for events compared to past levels of excitement.

12. First Sunday of college group today. Two people told me "you're getting so old". Well you see, I'm 17 and you're 71? I hope I'm as hip as they are when I'm that age.

13. Biola local meet and greet in July! Woooooo. Excessive oh's required.

14. I've written too many short sentences. My grammar is falling apart.

15. Why do people say "the" before things? The boy. The Vegas. Only Seth Cohan pulled off the latter; no one pulls off the first. Personal preferences overcome me. Kidding.

16. I realized I'm more charismatic than my Baptist counterparts. Guess who'll look for a charismatic church in college? (I don't understand the definition of charismatic fully, so don't assume I'm completely charismatic).

17. I've had strange, [positive] dreams lately. It usually occurs when I workout.

18. June gloom come back! I savor overcast, rain, cold, and wind. I'm made for Washington, not California.

19. I remember when I was little I'd wonder where I'd go to college. I knew I'd plan to go and was excited to find out where I'd choose. That time has come. Actually, it was a while ago. :)

20. I think I was more excited for college last summer than this. I guess because it's so close I can let the desire drift.

21. Kajaba can can next Monday!

22. End.